I got tagged in the comments of this video so let’s talk about it. I would encourage you to go to her page and watch part 1 for context.
Red Flag #1 - Extended Communication
The first red flag for me was that she and this man she met on Hinge had been communicating for two months without meeting. She goes on to explain that their schedules weren’t aligning due to their respective jobs.
I call bullshit on his end.
Someone interested - truly, genuinely interested - is going to want to meet sooner rather than later to gauge chemistry. They are not going to invest time in something that (most likely) will not pan out. People extend communications well beyond the expected few days to a week before devising a solid plan to meet either isn’t available (emotionally or because they’re involved with someone) or they’re only in it for the ego stroke and attention.
Red Flag #2 - The Low Effort Date
The next eyebrow-raiser was the suggestion to have your first date at his place. I understand her reasoning for why this was a sound idea ( The Queen’s jubilee celebration had made getting around/finding a place to meet difficult.) HOWEVER, people need to stop saying things like, “I don’t typically do this but…” If it is that easy to sway you from adhering a firm personal policy, that policy does not exist. At no time ever is a first date at their place anything but a red flag. Yes, even in a global pandemic.
These kinds of “dates” require little to no extra effort. They’re also predatory as they are designed to get you alone on their territory where they have the upper hand. Most men don’t think of it that way because an inordinate amount of dating advice perpetuates that nonsense idea of men liking to “hunt” and “chase” women as though they’re wild deer in a forest.
The people who suggest first dates at their place are doing so because they’re not interested enough to make a real effort. They’ll meet you and spend time with you, but at their convenience and on their terms.
Red Flag #3 - The Exit Strategy
This is one that a lot of men and women overlook or misread. He sent her a text the day they were supposed to meet and said he was “quite tired” and was she open to coming over and “just chilling.” She notes a change in his energy. and understandably begins to feel uneasy.
When someone you’re supposed to go out with makes it a point to mention they’re tired or need to push the date back, more often than not they want to cancel. They’re hoping you’ll pick up on the cue and suggest rescheduling, thereby letting them off the hook.
Red Flag #4 - The Disclaimer
I’ve spoken about the pointlessness of disclaimers before. Telling someone you have no intention of paying the check or going home with them does not have the intended effect. In fact, it usually has the opposite.
Believe it or not, the people who cancel plans once they’ve been presented with that disclaimer are more likely to be the ones who weren’t just looking for a hookup. They hear everything being said about what they shouldn’t expect and immediately think, “They’re testing me.”
Which they are. People need to admit this to themselves before they putout some verbose explanation of what will and will not be happening on the date.
It’s the people trying to mislead you and lure you out on a date (also predatory) who are going to say whatever they think they need to say to get you out of your comfort zone and into theirs.