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Is He In Love or Lovebombing Her?

Updated: Dec 4, 2020

Should I be concerned if he commits and says I love you at 5 weeks? OR does love at first sight really exist?

I don't happen to believe in love at first sight. I think that's a myth created by the media and romance novels and the Hallmark channel. I believe in infatuation at first sight, for sure, because that's more accurate.

To me, love goes beyond a deep affection for someone. My definition is more complex. To me, love is about commitment, sacrifice, loyalty and intimacy on all levels. In my opinion, love can not be achieved or attained without time. I don't think 5 weeks is enough to know if you love someone. Of course, everyone's definition is different and it's based on their experiences. I grew up watching my Dad sleep on a lumpy cot next to my mother in her last few weeks of life so she wouldn't be alone, carry her up and downstairs so she could sit in the living room and watch us open Christmas presents, and sit forlorn on the couch in our porch, 2 years after she died, crying because he'd just finished packing my mother's belongings away in our attic.

I suppose the question here is: if things between you two ended now, how would you feel? Would you grieve? Would he? If not, then I don't think it's love.

I don't think committing after 5 weeks is concerning. When you know you want to focus on one person, you know. Some people - usually those with with a plethora of options or who aren't ready to be exclusive - need more time. Just because those two factors might not apply to someone doesn't mean they're desperate or off in some way.

It's the professing his love part that makes me uneasy. That's a big statement to make, one that carries a lot of weight, one that many people struggle to express. This guy appears to say it with ease.

That's the concern.

Telling someone you love them is a huge risk. That level of vulnerability is not one most people approach lightly. I would be wondering if he says this quickly to every woman he dates. That is a huge red flag. That could be a case of Love Bombing, a common tactic used by manipulative or narcissistic people to get their partner to fall for them quickly, isolate them and then abuse them.

That said, every relationship involves risk. Do I think you should approach this relationship with caution? Hell yes. Do your due diligence by scoping his social media and taking a quick tour of Google. Pay attention to red flags and don't ignore them. Of course, if you have to be this hyper-vigilante that in and of itself is a giant red flag.

My gut says that this is a guy who commits easily and who leaves just as effortlessly.

Good luck.

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