Don't Fall Prey To The Tinder Tourist Trap




Hey, I need advice! I met up with a guy from tinder, had an awesome night, was intimate with him, now coming down from it, the usual. By my mistake, I hadn't asked him what he's looking for and didn't tell either. I usually do, but I didn't take this one that seriously bc we live 3 hours away from each other and he was just visiting my town.


I asked him yesterday which was couple days after our date. He told he he had a really great time with me, he liked my company and all that and that he is open to finding a relationship. The "problem" for him is the distance, which to me is really understandable but personally not a problem, i travel where he lives quite often, im from there.

The twist is, he says he still wants to see me and "be a good friend" whatever the hell that means. I'm definitely not starting something weird with him, but was just wondering if there might be a chance since he didn't rule out finding a relationship either?


I really liked his company and do want to see him again but idk if that's just setting myself up to failure.

By my mistake, I hadn't asked him what he's looking for and didn't tell either.

Was that a mistake? I wonder if on some level you already knew the answer and that’s why you didn’t ask. Also, remember Statements Only. You don’t ask men what they’re looking for. You tell them what your goals and intentions are then determine if you want the same things.

I usually do, but I didn't take this one that seriously bc we live 3 hours away from each other

Ok, but what changed? If you went into it not taking it seriously how did you end up here, writing this letter?


Sarah and I have addressed this on the podcast: Tourists are only looking for sex. Full stop. They very well might be open to a relationship but not with someone who lives 3 hours away.

The "problem" for him is the distance,

Oh. Was his GPS not working at the time that he swiped right on you? Was he not aware before you hooked up you lived 3 hours away? Methinks he did. Therefore, his reasoning is bogus as it is illogical. It’s a lie that, if taken at face value, makes sense. However, apply even the tiniest smidge of critical thinking to it and it falls apart.


This guy was just in it for the hookup. When people talk about relationships in the abstract take that as a sign they either aren’t ready for or aren’t interested in a relationship.

The twist is, he says he still wants to see me and "be a good friend" whatever the hell that means

What he means is, he wants to be able to hook up with you whenever he’s in town. He’s telling you he’s going to invest a smattering of effort here and there to keep the lines of communication open so that when he’s back in your neighborhood he can hit you up without seeming skeezy. Or, you know, skeezier.


Hoping for this to turn into something more would be setting yourself up for disappointment. He’s already insulted you with the distance excuse by assuming you wouldn’t think that one through.


Fuck this guy. </