Hi There, So I've started to see this one guy and he kept bringing up his one female friend. I had asked him why didn't you ask her out when you were both single? He said that he valued their friendship more and he didn't want to risk it but they do have a flirtatious banter from time to time. Should I be worried about this connection? Or am I just being insecure.
You are not being insecure. People will tell you that you are because this involves another woman, but you’re not. People like to conflate insecurity with intuition whenever a woman expresses these sorts of concerns.
I will maintain until I take my dying breath that men with close female friends are suspect. Note that I said “close” and not “casual.” I really want to be evolved and push for more men and women to be platonic friends, but fuck that. I’ve said it before and I will say it again: When you’re raised to believe you are entitled to everything strictly because of what’s between your legs you develop poor boundaries.
In no universe is it ever not suspicious for a man and woman to have a “flirty vibe” while claiming to be just friends. Nope. No. Nuh-uh. By telling you he didn’t want to risk the friendship he’s admitting he was - and likely still is - attracted to this friend.
Now, whether she returns the attraction is a different story. Judging by his lame-ass excuse for why they never dated, I’m going to say the interest wasn’t mutual. Telling you he didn’t want to risk the friendship was a way to save face. It’s better than, “Well, I did but she rejected me so now I just hang around with her hoping she’ll change her mind.”
That he still talks about her frequently is not a good sign. He’s not even trying to pretend he doesn’t still have a thing for her. I suspect he mentioned their “flirtatious banter” 🙄 as a way to pre-emptively avoid any accusations of inappropriate behavior on his part. He’ll probably drag you to meet her to prove he’s over her and awkwardly flirt with her while you stand there wondering what’s going on.
Fuck that guy.
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