He's Not Flirting He's Insulting You




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Guy on our first date was giving innuendoes and was a little overly sexual. I wasn’t comfortable and told him I want a man to get to my heart without going thru my body. I think he was just horny. But still, should I kick him to the curb? His communication is flaky at best so I’m not losing anything. I just wanna show up for myself and not let him objectify me or try to turn it into an FWB.


You can show up for yourself by cutting this guy off.

Adults know what topics are appropriate for a first date. They know what will come across off-putting. Anyone that disregards that most basic of social etiquette is either a complete buffoon or is intent upon getting what they want.

It sounds like this guy was the latter.


Someone interested in truly getting to know you wouldn’t risk offending you. You can give him your speech about wanting him to get to know you before becoming physically intimate. He’ll pretend to listen, maybe nod in agreement from time to time to feign concern for your feelings. He might even course-correct for a little while. Make no mistake. He’ll circle back to that innuendo as soon as he gets an opening. That opening is usually when you’ve been lulled into a false sense of security.

When someone is overtly sexual with you before establishing boundaries or trust, they are not being “flirty.” They’re being rude. They’re being disrespectful. They’re showing you what they think of you.


Your intuition is telling you what this guy is after. You sense he’s just looking for an FWB. Think of that inner voice as Future You. The You who’s dealt with the bozos and seen through their bullshit and come out the other side wiser and less tolerant. Future You sees exactly who this guy is. Future You is telling you to ditch this loser before he wastes your time, strings you along, and hurts you.


Don’t disappoint her.

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