If He Has To Tell You He's A Good Guy, He Probably Isn't




I’ve been talking to this guy that I met on hinge and we have gone out on a couple of dates, I asked him what is he looking for and his reply was I pride myself in being a good, and honest guy. I’m not trying to jump right into a high-pressure situation right away. I just want to make a monogamous connection with you and I want to casually date you. Later on he added that he didn’t want to labels things right away but that he did want to be exclusive with me. What should I do? What should I say? We have such a great time together and our conversations are really interesting. Please help.


Not once in your letter did you talk about what you were looking for. This entire question revolves around him.


Please let that sink in. You are nowhere to be found in this letter.


You're allowing him to dictate the terms of this...whatever it is. Why doesn't he seem to be at all interested or concerned with what you want? Why is this unfolding at his pace and his pace only?


I get that you like this guy. He sounds very charismatic. Unfortunately, even Ted Bundy was capable of carrying on an interesting conversation. This is not uncommon skill. And the bit about priding himself on being a good and honest guy? (aka a "nice guy") Nobody should ever have to state that out right. That aspect of someone's character should be obvious in their actions.


If he has to tell you he's a good guy, he probably isn't.


Now let's address this bit about how he wants a monogamous connection with you but wants to casually date you. That's not a thing. Monogamy and casual dating don't mix. It sounds to me like he wants you to keep yourself available for him while dangling the prospect of exclusivity to keep you in line.


Fuck that guy.


My take on this guy is that he's manipulative AF and will never fully commit to you.


My biggest concern is what I stated above: You seem way too concerned about what he wants and you're not checking in with yourself to see if it aligns with what you want. Don't go along with what this guy offers just to be with someone or because he can string a few sentences together in an engaging manner.


If you feel you're compromising yourself in the slightest, walk away now before you get attached and things get messy.




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