Comment: Hello. I am a 33 year old single woman with no children, have my own successful business and I'm considered very attractive. I was talking recently to this wonderful 45 year old man that I met online. We talked daily a few times per day for about a week before we met and we were really hitting it off. Our first date was for lunch and it lasted 4 hours! He asked to see me the following night but I was busy. Then a few days later he was staying for business in a nearby beach town and he asked me to stay there with him. I wasn't too sure if I was that into him to sleep with him (obviously that's what he was going for) so I politely declined and I asked him if we could just see each other when he's back in town. We went out the following evening (he asked prior if I wanted to sleep over again- this was the second date) and the date went great. We kissed at the end and he said that it was difficult for him to take things slow with me but that he wanted to because he "he liked me a lot". I responded with "I like you a lot too and want to continue getting to know you, we don't have to immediately rush into bed". This second date ended nicely. He called the following day and we made plans for the weekend. Then the following day and afterwards I never heard from him nor did I try calling him.
What happened? Age: 33
This one seems pretty straight forward. Your gut instinct was that he was just looking to sleep with you, and I'm inclined to agree. When he saw that he was going to have to invest more time than he'd originally calculated, I think he moved on.
Going forward, I would approach with caution any man who eagerly sets up a second date for the following night after the first date. To me, that sets off warning bells, as most people tend to want to play it cool and put at least a 2 day buffer between the first and second dates. Anything sooner than that and one runs the risk of looking too available or anxious. This guy didn't appear to care if he looked desperate, which in and of itself is a red flag.
Also troubling for me was that he wanted you to spend the night not at his home, but some hotel That, too, comes off a little sleazy. At the very least, when you start a physically intimate relationship with someone, you want a more personal environment. Being invited to someone';s home is usually an act of vulnerability, which sets the appropriate tone for what's to follow.
I think he never followed up because he was never that invested in the first place. When he heard you say that you and he didn't need to rush into bed, that was his cue to exit stage left.
While I think it's important to set boundaries, I would avoid the topic of sleeping together until the situation presents itself. Once you make out of left field disclaimers like you want to take things slow or not rush into sleeping together, that might make some men feel like they're being tested. If you prefer to take your time and get to know someone then do just that, no need for explanation.
Avoid situations where you feel things might escalate physically until you're ready for them to do so. There's no need to go into specifics as to why you won't go home with them. If they invite you to their place, suggest something more public. Most men will understand what you're trying to do and respect it. The ones who don't, well, good riddance.
Hope that helps!