Was He Love Bombing Her?




My friend Krissy was dating this guy for about 6-7 months....he love bombed her (red flag but we couldn’t convince her) and only after a month of dating they were declaring marriage and moving in together...things were pretty good. They hung out, she had her time with her friends and family, he did too...they went out on dates he showered her and her kids with gifts...last Sunday they went to church and he was professing his love to her...Then at midnight he called and said this wasn’t going to work out. All last week he’s been asking her to be friends. Why would he do this? She’s devastated and of course doesn’t want to be just his friend...is he seeing someone else? Why would he do this?? I think he’s trying to keep her as an option if this other thing doesn’t pan out....am I correct?



With the exception of extenuating circumstances, I tend to believe that break-ups rarely happen out of the blue. There was always a build-up of sorts, small signs here and there than there were cracks in the foundation all along.a (Example - if they lived together, why was he calling her at midnight? Why wasn't he home?)


It's very important to understand that love bombing is a very specific type of behavior conducted with a very specific intent. A love bomber uses excessive affection and attention to psychologically manipulate someone.


What you've described to me doesn't sound like love bombing as you make no mention of manipulation or isolation. To me, this sounds like someone who jumps into relationships because they thrive off the rush of it. Then, when the reality of the situation hits or the honeymoon phase ends, they grow disillusioned. His professions of love may have been an attempt on his part to convince not others but himself of how he feels.


I know that accusing someone of love bombing is trendy right now. Everywhere you look, someone is being told their ex was a narcissist. While it's totally possible that's the case, by pulling that term out whenever someone behaves in a way that is selfish or manipulative, we're actually diluting the seriousness of narcissistic abuse. Narcissism runs on a spectrum. Possessing narcissistic traits - something all of us have - and full-blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder are not - and I repeat - ARE NOT the same thing. Narcissists do display a lack of remorse and can be manipulative, but they function from a place of atypically high self-esteem. The underlying cause of NPD is the opposite. Someone with NPD has profoundly low self-esteem. That's what fuels the rage and cruelty.


You don't mention anything that describes this man as controlling or manipulative, just over-the-top invested too quickly. That she still had a healthy life outside of the relationship says this man was not trying to isolate her, a key trait of a narcissist. Many people push a relationship forward at light speed because they either want to get to the physical or emotional intimacy right way or possess critical personality flaws they wish to keep hidden. I think one of these is the most likely explanation to your friend's recent split.


She definitely should not remain friends with him. It sounds like he freaked out and doesn't want to cut all ties, just change the parameters of the relationship in case he changes his mind.


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