hi! I met a guy on tinder, we hit it off. he was consistent with texting, but not a great conversationalist. but in person, great chemistry. hung out a few times, not super date-like because of covid.
I quit replying after he didn't bother asking how I was doing for 2 days. several days later no word, I text him. he replies. I commented on his lack of reply. he said I never replied. told him I was waiting on him to ask how I was doing. and that's the last I heard from him.
my gut instinct from the get go said "fuckboi" but 2x week covid testing is extra attractive lol. thanks!
So, let's call this what it was: you were testing him. The problem with tests like this is that we often intentionally set people up to fail to re-affirm a negative believe we already have. Then, we they fail the test as we knew they would, we think we've confirmed that suspicion. In reality we've just unconsciously skewed the results in our favor.
One big reason these romantic tests fail is because we think we're the first person to ever use such machinations to gauge someone's sincerity. As a result, the tests we use are flawed and transparent. People know when they're being tested. That's what often compels them knowingly fail said test. Nobody likes to feel as though their character is in question, especially those who haven't done anything to warrant such suspicion.
Tests are usually employed to protect people from intangible danger. They can't see it. They can't touch. They just believe it's there, looming.Rather than wait it out or give someone the benefit of the doubt, they decide to set a trap. What I need to get across here is how toxic this behavior is. Not only does it usually end in us doubting the results (which makes the whole thing a waste) we continue to use the testing strategy for the foreseeable future, ultimately resulting in conflict-riddled relationship. Whether the person was always disingenuous or whether they simply became resentful of being tested and stopped trying is never confirmed.
Nobody is more adept and navigating a test than a fuckboy. They know they're coming. That's why they usually pass them with flying colors. If they don't, they have the charm to talk themselves out of whatever precarious situation they find themselves in. Testing them is pointless.
The better approach is to listen to your instincts and stay alert. Always look for a cluster of red flags. Don’t base your reactions on just one. One mis-step does not a fuckboy make.
Half a dozen? Well...you might want to consider exiting stage left.
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