Reasons Your Bumble Match Thinks You're A Creep


And - YES - this applies to men and women.


I met a nice guy seemingly online. He is professional, smart, good looking. But he keeps calling me babe or love, and I have already stated to call me by my name but he has ignored my request. We only have been messaging and then had 1 video chat. He asked me out for 1st date but I am so turned off I am thinking of ghosting him. Is his disregard for my request a red flag or am I being too sensitive?


You're not being too sensitive at all. You expressed a boundary: please call me by my name. He ignored you. That's a giant dating red flag, as is his overt familiarity with you. You've never met. You're not dating. Terms of endearment need to be earned and he hasn't earned them. When a random man refers to me by "hone" or "baby" that tells me everything I need to know about him. He's the type of man that thinks women don't need to feel respected or treated like an equal and prefer to be coddled and infantilized. Thanks, but no thanks.


Women, especially women of a certain age, are often encouraged to "give someone a chance." Unless you have a history of rejecting someone for a superficial reason like their height or who have trouble making interesting small talk, you should never provide a match with additional opportunities to disrespect you. Because that's what he's doing: he's disrespecting you.


This is why so many women ignore their instincts and go out with people they intuitively know are trouble. When people wonder why a woman puts herself in a precarious position, this is why. When we're young, we taught to fear pretty much any person that tells us how pretty we are. Then, when we hit our mid-thirties, suddenly it's all about giving blatant creeps a chance. You know, just in case, because God forbid you erroneously turn away someone that could rescue you from being single.


You don't we anyone an explanation for why something they did or said made you uncomfortable. You're within your rights to ghost this guy. He deserves it.


In addition to inappropriate use of terms of endearments, here's a few other things that will make you look like an Online Dating Creeper:


Asking someone to meet in the first message - Not only is it super aggressive but it's counter-intuitive. Why put yourself in a situation where, after a few boring email exchanges, you might have to rescind that invitation? Let those initial messages be about building rapport.


Sexual innuendo in the first few messages or on the first date - No talk of kissing, cuddling or massages. For the love of all that is holy, delete the word "sensual" from your vocabulary. Talking about or making veiled references to sex is not flirting. It's creepy.


Asking for their social media handles - Wait until someone offers their page info. Whether you realize this or not, you are not entitled to access to someone's life just because you both swiped right on Hinge. Google them, but keep that fact to yourself. If you find something hinky, you can bring it to their attention, but know beforehand they'll probably unmatch you. Best to just ghost if you stumble across something that doesn't jibe with what's in their profile.


Asking for their last name before you set a time to meet - People assume their matches will Google them. No need to be so obvious about it. Most people know to give their last name on their own.


Sending unsolicited photos - There's no need to barrage them of snaps of you flexing at the gym; walking your dog; or performing any other mundane activity. It makes you look insecure and vain.


Asking personal questions - This screams poor boundaries. Why their last relationship ended or where they work is none of your business.


Talking too much about your online dating experience - I realize that people use online dating as a conversation starter because it's something they have in common with their match. However, inquiring as to how many dates they've had or complaining about all the scammers is a massive turn off.


Being too mushy or effusive - Try to avoid complimenting someone's looks entirely. It's just weird and gives the impression you don't know how to talk to the opposite sex. Gushing about how attractive or interesting someone is makes you look like you're trying too hard.


Assuming familiarity - Until you and your match meet, they are a stranger. Remember that. Avoid doing or saying anything that is typically reserved for someone with whom you are in an actual relationship. That includes sending good morning/good night texts; using pet names; talking about future dates, etc. Meet first, go on a few dates, then discuss that trip to a cute Bed and Breakfast, mmkay?










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