I’ve recently went on a handful of dates over the last couple of months. Usually stemming from bumble/hinge and they’ve all been great. The date is always fun, the men are asking get to know you questions and seem genuine in hearing what I have to say and vice versa.
What I’ve noticed is the man will say the date was great/fun and mention seeing me again which is a good feeling. But I’ve noticed that it never turns into another date. The most recent date I went on the guy planned everything, it was really fun and the most engaging date I’ve been in.
He seemed to be curious about my life and he even discussed future which has never happened. Questions like “where do you see yourself relationship wise in 5 years “do you want kids” “how has dating been for you” he told me liked me, thought I was a catch. He even mentioned he goes on first dates and the other person either ghosts or doesn’t want to go on a second date and I expressed I’ve seen that in my dating experience as well.
He asked what my week looked like because he wants to see me again and I mentioned my week is pretty open except a couple of days. He was like awesome, looking forward to seeing you again. I texted him I got home safe, had a great time he replied he did too. We texted for awhile the day of the date (it was a day date) and asked how my night was and I replied and haven’t heard from him in 2 days.
He reacted to my instagram story but has not replied nor reached out since. I’m confused because this seems to be the trend. Go on a good date, the man agrees he had fun and wants to see me again, we text for a bit after the date and I never hear from them. They usually never reply nor reach out.
I plan on messaging this guy asking what’s going on if he doesn’t reach out in a couple days but really confused why this is a trend.
He seemed to be curious about my life and he even discussed future which has never happened. Questions like “where do you see yourself relationship wise in 5 years “do you want kids” “how has dating been for you”
First dates are supposed to involve some level of vetting. What you described feels more like an interview. Scripted is a better word. This conversation reads as scripted. He’s asking general questions, not ones customized for you based on whatever you’ve revealed in your profile or messages.
The dynamic between the two of you lacks authenticity. That makes me think he has a modus operandi, a specific pattern of behavior that he executes with every woman he dates. Kind of like West Elm Caleb. He used the same moves on every woman he matched with. Sometimes he even cut and paste his conversations with one woman and sent them to another. He knew exactly what to say and how to navigate his relationships with each one. That’s probably because through experience he knew what worked and what didn’t.
Now, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Online dating is time-consuming and often provides little return on investment. It makes sense someone would want to streamline the process as long as it doesn’t become mechanical. He’s a serial dater. It’s unlikely he gets past the first couple of dates with any woman.
Some other signs of a serial dater:
He will future fake - He’ll talk about things you’ll do together as a couple before any real intimacy or consistency has been established.
He offered the information that he struggles to get second dates - That feels strategic to me. Like he wants you to think he’s not dating other people.
He’ll follow you on social media before you meet or very soon after - That way he can view your stories and like posts. That’s a serial dater’s way of showing interest. Dating multiple people is time-consuming. Tapping a little heart or swiping through your story (probably without actually watching it) is a quick and easy way to let you know he’s still around.
He’ll express interest in another date but won’t plan one right away - Serial daters are always waiting to see how one of their other options is shaping up. As a result, they perpetually have one foot in and one foot out of every relationship they pursue.
This guy is showing you just enough attention to keep you invested while he pursues multiple options. He’s pacing things in a way that works for him. The problem is it doesn’t work for you.
There’s no point in asking him what his deal is. He’ll say whatever he thinks he needs to say to keep you on the hook. By reaching out, you’ll be letting him know his presence is missed.
Let someone earn that. You deserve to be missed.