Hi. I matched with someone on bumble and we hit it off very well. I waited for about 3 weeks before we exchanged numbers. We exchanged numbers and we planned a date. We met in person and we hit it off better than I thought.
He asked me what I was looking for and I said I want to meet someone I can build a solid foundation that leads to a relationship. I asked him the same question and he said the same thing. Later when he walked me to my car he asked when can I see you again. Second date comes he made me dinner at his place, we talked and watched a movie. We snuggled. We didn’t kiss or have sex. The vibe and energy was there and I had a great time. He told me he enjoyed talking to me.
Then we planned a third date but that third date never came. Out of no where he messaged me that he didn’t know if he wanted to continue talking to me and that he didn’t know if he felt the same anymore. So out of respect I said thanks for your honesty. And we stopped talking.
The holidays passed and he messaged “Happy New Year” which I replied back. I did ask him why did he say what he said back in December and he said he didn’t know if it was the holidays that made him so indecisive and I said ok. I asked what the next step was and he said let’s begin talking but not 24/7.
And we left it at that. Now we are texting and just talking about life and work etc. should I ask him what are we doing? What questions should I ask him and ask myself. Please send help and guidance.
Before I begin, let me get one thing out of the way.
Fuck this guy. Fuck this guy and his bullshit Happy New Year's text. My read on this is going to be very straightforward.
I think he was looking for a casual hook-up thing. Want to know why I think that?
He asked you what you were looking for. That question is commonly used by people who aren't looking to date anyone seriously or who just want sex. It's a feeler question used to gauge whether their match will be DTF (Down To F*ck) or not. They wait to hear what you say and then either agree or launch into their shtick about not looking to jump into anything.
When you didn't sleep with him, he decided to move on. He'd invested as much as he intended. He wanted a return on that investment and didn't get it. When you didn't sleep with him on the second date, that made it clear to him you're someone who takes things slow before getting physically intimate. He had no time for that.
Then he popped back up after the holidays (aka after whatever other situationship he had going on ended) and thought he'd give you a try again. He agrees to communicate with you "but not 24/7." He's telling you without telling you he has no plans on making himself too available to you.
You shouldn't ask him any questions. If I were you, I'd tell him you thought it over and don't think you and he want the same things and bail. Or just ghost.
This guy has already done one 180 degree turn on you. What's past is prologue. Don't give him another chance.