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Why Do Women Sleep With Other Men But Not Him?

Kevin asks:

I have met 40-year-old women who are tentative about kissing after dinner or drinks at my place on the second or third (!) date.  They worry that passionate kissing might encourage sex.  They admit to previously sleeping with guys on first dates, but "are not like that anymore". I figure they are not very attracted to me, or are just being manipulative dinner whores.  Either way, they are using me.  I have no problems courting an attractive, interested woman longer than three dates.  All my girlfriends at least indicated strong interest by then.  So I cut off these standoffish reformed sluts.  What do you say? A similar sentiment applies to first dates from the internet where with no goodnight kiss.  Yet some of these women send a friendly text hoping for a second date.  Do they expect me to "audition" for a chance at a real date?  Please explain this epidemic of entitled women who expect courtship without affection or reciprocation.

I'll get to your raging misogyny in a second...

When a woman opens up to you about her concerns regarding sex, she's being vulnerable. While that might not seem like a big deal to you, it is to many women. By telling you she slept with other men "too quickly" or on the first date, she's setting herself up to be judged by men, well, like you.

Just going to your apartment on a second or third date is a big step for these women. That's what you're missing here. Sure, it seems a bit antiquated that they aren't kissing you and there's probably some stuff to unpack there. That doesn't mean they're using you for your fabulous risotto and Netflix account.

If the pace doesn't work for you, that's okay. End things like an adult and move on. No need to pout like a child. When you hold their reticence against them and become venomous, that's the real issue here. You're interpreting their hesitance to get physical as a lack of attraction, which it might be and which is their right. They're not obligated to kiss you because you made them dinner. Your insecurity and alarming reaction to rejection is not their problem. That's for you to address. You've so deeply internalized this refusal to get physical that you're lashing out at them, calling them whores and sluts. Maybe - and I'm just spitballing here - maybe they sense something about you is a bit off? Maybe that's what is keeping them from taking things to another level? Maybe the problem here isn't them, but you?

Sometimes people stick things out for one or two more dates because they want to give the other person a chance. They don't want to make any rash decisions based on lack of fireworks and butterflies. That's actually a decision to be applauded, not ridiculed. Perhaps you should consider that the next time you decide a woman is just being an entitled bitch for not sleeping with you. You're pissed because you think these women - these whores and sluts - would totally be on their knees for you if you were richer or more successful or better looking. You think they're holding out to test you or make you prove your worth. Maybe they just don't want to have sex with you yet. Or at all because, you know, you're a powder keg of rage.

Men who label women sluts for having sex with women on a time-table they deem "too fast" or indiscriminately are really just pissed that those same women aren't sleeping with them. In their warped minds, a woman who doesn't hold out is a woman who doesn't think the man is special enough to wait.

This narrative you've written to explain this phenomenon is a product of your inadequacies, not theirs. Deal with your shit and stop making it about us.

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