Hi,
I enjoyed most of your article about the signs that indicate “The #1 sign they’re only looking for sex!” The part I disagree with is about requesting pictures. You mention about how some people only put minimal effort in creating a profile bc they’re looking for sex. I assume you mean men because what I’ve noticed is that very attractive women will sometimes put very little effort in profiles because they think a selfie or two of their gorgeous self should be enough to attract a pool of men they can pick from. Usually I will mention the lack of photos and make a joke about their ex stealing their laptop or camera with all the pics on it. But I’m not looking for naked pics I’m looking to see if this is a catfish. It’s happened before which is why if they don’t get the hint I’ll move on to your second reason to give a hard pass. I ask for numbers fairly early for a few reasons. One to make sure they’re real. Two, because I don’t need a pen pal and three I don’t keep the sound notifications on for dating apps because I’m not desperate and I also don’t want something to pop up at a business meeting so keeping the flow of a conversation gets done by text at first. I do take time to write a decent profile and am interested in a relationship but am choosy not thirsty. Here’s my fav dating profile pic I use. At least they are unusual and shows humor...
I hope you’ll rethink some of your points or at least get more male perspective.
Tom
Thank you. Tom. I do have a tendency to be tunnel visioned when giving advice. You make a good point, one I will make an effort to be more aware of going forward.
I agree that many men and women who are conventionally attractive think posting a couple of photos and little else is enough effort when creating a dating profile. The thing is, though - they're right. There will always be people who swipe on them because of how attractive they are and little else. That's been their experience their entire lives. While it's unfair to assume they've coasted through life, they've certainly been afforded a privilege other people have not. They're looks have gotten them further in certain areas, one of which being dating. Keep in mind that, for many dating app algorithms, a lack of a bio or one that's sparsely filled out very likely will affect your visibility and could get your profile suppressed in searches.
As I mentioned to a group in a recent workshop, the truth is many singles give very good-looking people a pass they would not afford someone of average at attractiveness. Beautiful people know this, which is why so many barely try to impress by writing a thoughtful dating profile. Because they're in the upper-echelon of users on most dating apps, they get more right swipes, which in turn boosts their visibility. So, really, we only have ourselves to blame when people like this rack up a multitude of matches per session. By swiping right on their bare bones dating profile, we are enabling them.
The upside, of course, is that the people who select these hotties as matches will end up tripping over themselves trying to impress them and then tearing their hair out when the person flakes. Because, of course they will. They're hot. Do you think they're going to settle for just anybody? No. They don't have to.
As for your reasoning for requesting more pictures from beautiful women to prove they're real...
Here's the thing about catfishers (or kittenfishers): they have plenty of fake photos to share. Receiving more pictures proves nothing. In fact, that makes you more prone to being duped. Romance scammers and grifters are always two steps ahead of everyone else. They know what to anticipate and have an answer at the ready. Express even the tiniest bit of interest and you'll become the next fly caught in their web.
By asking for more pictures instead of just swiping left, you're proving to these people (some of whom are real, some who aren't) you're shallow and, possibly, maybe even a little desperate. Now they've got you. Whether they're a scammer or just someone looking for attention, they now know you're willing to stoop to asking for more pictures instead off just rejecting them. They assume (of often correctly) that someone with options wouldn't swipe on their profile in the first place. Interacting with people like this could be perceived as lacking savvy.
It shouldn't need to be said, but I will say it: the people with no bio and one or two photos (that they probably didn't even upload but were pulled from their Facebook page) should automatically be rejected. Auto👏ma👏ti👏cal👏ly. They're showing you upfront just how much they're willing to do to impress you as well as how much of themselves they're willing to share. If you have to scale a mountain to get to know someone's hobbies, let that be a red flag. This person is expecting you to jump through hoops for them and will probably continue to behave that way as the relationship progresses.
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