top of page

How To Get More Messages On Dating Apps

So many of these people seem to say the same things. What should I look for to find someone who is more authentic/honest? Also, I tend to be inundated with intros, is there anyway to cut down on the guys who only look at my pic? Is there some way to filter by creating a less attractive pic? Advice?

I'm not sure you can filter out people who only look at your pictures. You have to remember that dating apps condition users to look at the photos first, swipe and then read the bio. Many people are only reading bios after there's been a match. It's totally counter-intuitive, but it is what it is.

Changing the photo won't do any good. If they're emailing you cut and paste style intro messages, the photo isn't going to matter. It's not the photo that leads them to write banal intro messages, it's their approach to the process. It also has to a lot to do with how they view women. Some men still believe that women want messages that compliment or focus on their looks. These guys are stuck in a time-warp and think that all they have to do is tell us we're pretty and we'll be into them. If anything, those lame intro messages that revolve around your looks are a great litmus test. They will help you weed out the creepers and sleazebags.

Many people equate getting a ton of matches and messages with success. I happen to think those people are more into the attention than finding a real connection. I'd rather make one or two matches a month and convert them to video or offline dates than receive a ton of matches or messages from people swiping or messaging indiscriminately to see what sticks. Don't let the quality or number of messages define your success on dating apps. It only takes one really good connection to say goodbye to dating apps forever. (Or, at least, for a long time.)

One thing you do want to make sure you do is post a fully fleshed-out bio or About Me summary. Often times, people write simplistic messages because their matches profile provides nothing in the way of a springboard for conversation. If your bio is nothing but a string of over-used adjectives and nothing more specific, don't be surprised if the messages you receive are similarly bland.

Same goes for your photos. If you only post one (!) or two pictures of you posing in your car (why?) or a professional work photo (don't do that) you're not providing matches with any insight into your hobbies, values or lifestyle.

Also try to understand how stressful it is for many people to come up with unique and witty intro messages. Because of the sky-rocketing flake-factor and the likelihood the match will lead no where, people are hesitant to invest too much effort until they think the match has potential to move off the app. I always advise clients to keep that first intro message very simple and not try too hard. That way, should they not receive a response - and there's a really good chance they won't - they won't feel as disappointed or frustrated.

You're never going to be able to prevent the lazy people from contacting you. You have no control over what they do. All you can do is put out the kind of effort you desire to receive by crafting an engaging dating profile. You also need to decide how you'll respond to the weaker attempts at contact. You can either let those messages eat you alive and frustrate you or you can shrug them off and remind yourself they are not a testament to your value, attractiveness or character.

48 views0 comments


bottom of page