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It's Nobody's Business Why You've Never Been Married




I wanted to ask how to answer the question, " How come you've never been married ?"


Before answering it, please understand what someone is communicating when they ask this question: “What’s wrong with you?” They don't deserve an answer when you think about it like that.


Why someone has chosen not to get married is often assumed to be associated with having emotional issues, being closed off, or other baggage associated with long-term commitment. The decision to not get married but co-exist in the same or different spaces is relatively healthy. Someone might not believe in the institution of marriage but believe in ‘til death do us part.


A willingness to get hitched does not say what people who ask this question think it does. If anything, it tells you they have a narrow definition of love and commitment.

I’d avoid saying you haven’t met the right person because it’s cliche. It’s what people who feel insecure about being single say to sound like they have high standards. Unfortunately, the other person will hear, “Nobody’s been good enough. Jump, doggy, jump. Impress me.”


My suggested response to this not-so-innocent query would be, “It was never a priority.” This is a two-pronged reply. First, it can serve as a segue into your life goals and accomplishments. Second, it indicates you didn’t have an unhealthy obsession with settling down to settle down.


If you are asked this question by someone you think has potential, don’t immediately write them off. If there haven’t been any other red flags, file that tidbit away. If they’ve said other things that give you pause, I would reconsider whether or not you want to pursue anything.


The early stage of dating is about establishing rapport and trust. This isn’t something you bring up on the first few dates. It’s one of those expectancy violations we’ve talked about. This is one of those expectancy violations we’ve talked about. Their response will depend on how familiar they are with the person asking. The early stage of dating is about establishing rapport and trust.


Asking why someone has never been married gives the impression of having an overly suspicious nature and trust issues. You’re already starting at a deficit. They haven’t yet earned the effort needed to overcome that hurdle.


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