The Great Coffee Date Debate



This post isn’t about the pros and cons of coffee dates. Personally, I think they’re uninspired, lazy and often used as a test by a lot of men. (Like this one.) Some women prefer them. Your mileage may vary.


Instead, I’d like to talk about the divisiveness this topic as well as sex on a first date creates. Today this Tiktok appeared in my FYP. In it, the Creator was clapping back at a commenter for saying that she only goes out with men who take her to dinner on a first date.

Okay. That’s her process. No harm. No foul. Then I came across a commenter that said she has never been asked on a coffee date in her life and men only ask certain kinds of women out on coffee dates.


I see what you did there, girl.


Let’s be very clear about something: If a man is the type to suggest coffee for a first date, that’s what he’s offering to every woman. Not just certain ones. Being bought dinner on a first date doesn’t elevate you above other women. If he does it for you, he does it for other women as well.


Also…most women want a man that other women want. Those guys? They’re dating a lot of different women. At least two a week. That’s a lot of first dates. Guaranteed they’re not buying dinner on all those dates. Those guys are probably suggesting drinks and, if the date goes well, then suggesting they order something to eat.


There seems to be this misconception that men only ask women on coffee dates or don’t commit because other women are making it so they can get away with the bare minimum. Most women accept coffee dates not to make things easier on the man but on themselves. For them, coffee dates are more productive and less stressful.


This just in, ladies: Men have been getting away with doing the bare minimum since time began. That’s a tale as old as Tinder. It’s not other women’s fault a lot of men make no effort and still get what they want. Society has set it up that way.


Enough with this misdirected pettiness.