Medium continues to serve up essays reeking of internalized misogyny with this latest pile of word vomit.
I have a friend who repeats the same pattern in every relationship. Let’s call her Bertha. Bertha has never, in twenty years, pursued a man who is not married. Twenty years of furtive exchanges, clandestine meetings, and stolen time.
Just so we're clear: Bertha doesn't exist. How do I know that? Because the author wouldn't have the balls to write this essay knowing Bertha could read it. In the off chance Bertha is real, the author is a passive aggressive bitch and really had no business writing scathing take-downs of other women when she clearly sucks hard at being one herself.
There are some women who ONLY pursue married men. I call these women the Serial Other Woman (SOW). And she is more common than you think.
Get it? SOW. As in female pig. GET IT???
The reason is simple — the SOW is lazy. She doesn’t want the grumpy kids, dirty dishes, running noses, or any of the messy, hard work that comes with a relationship. She would rather be romanced and feel like she is on a never-ending first date.
First of all, a woman who doesn't want to deal with kids is not lazy. It's a preference. You know, like writing obscenely trite Medium essays. I think what the author is trying to convey is that SOWs (yeesh) have no interest in the tedium that comes with marriage or living together. Lots of women have opted out of that particular fantasy. That doesn't mean they're somehow broken.
I know a few SOW’s, and they all share one thing in common — a strained relationship with either a mother or father figure. Sometimes the wounds from her mother never healed, so she disrespects women by triangulating relationships. Sometimes she had an absentee father, so she seeks out men’s attention to fill that hole. Sadly, she almost always did not have healthy role models for love.
Can we first discuss why they author has so many of these Serial Other Women in her life? Not that I believe her, because this is likely just another lie so she can pretend she's a Jane Goodall-type that studies dysfunctional women in their natural habitat. She's making this claim to appear as more of an expert than she is. Now let's address her observation that there's some kind of attachment disorder at work that compels women to get involved with unavailable men. She's correct that issues with attachment can lead to maladaptive relationships, but anyone who's seen a few movies could make that connection. She's done no research for this travesty of an article. She just listed a few cliches and thought that was enough. If you're going to go the trauma route, better back that up with more than info you leaned from watching too many Lifetime movies.
The SOW keeps her friends close and her married friends closer. She is probably friends with your husband or boyfriend. She may even befriend you so she can spend more time with your guy. Her strategy is to start with an emotional affair — late-night texting, getting your man to confess secrets to build intimacy, and backhanded remarks about you. She seduces with a slow burn.
I love how, in this warped narrative, only the Serial Other Woman has agency. The man is consistently framed as prey of some kind, totally without responsibility or choice. What is that about??
Ever watch a cobra dance to a snake charmer’s flute? The cobra sways back and forth in a hypnotic rhythm. The cobra is swaying back and forth because she is waiting for a strike zone to attack.You must never open your relationship to that strike zone.