What's Really Behind Those "Instant Connections" You Feel On First Dates

An ex-boyfriend has reached out to me after breaking up 5 months ago. I agreed to talk with him and he very blatantly asked for a chance to try things again. He wants a relationship with me. During this time apart, he has made changes to his career (he’s active duty military who has decided to retire after 24 years). He also shared with me things regarding his mental health that he didn’t fully share before when we were together. He’s actively seeking therapy and is taking medication to steady his moods.

I am unsure about whether or I not I want to get back together. I have a choice to make; do I forgive, move on, and try to make things work with him or walk away? While that’s the gist of my question... the backstory is important. We met on a dating app in the fall of 2019. There was an instant connection. We casually dated (never labeling the relationship) for about 6 weeks until he wanted to end things because he felt he wasn’t “doing it” for me. I was shocked and saddened but I moved on.

Want to read the rest of this letter? Subscribe to my Substack. Free subscribers receive these public posts before anyone else. For $5 a month you'll get access to 2-3 private advice columns per week and bi-weekly exclusive podcast episodes for members only.