When He Unmatches You After The First Date




"Had a seemingly great first date.

Came home and went to send him a thank you message and he'd already unmatched me.

So confused as to what happened."


When it comes to women, most men have abysmal social skills. That’s because the only time they “turn on the charm” is for women they want to bed. They have limited experience, you know, talking to women like they’re human beings.


They also haven’t been conditioned to be polite at all times lest they offend someone. Or, like, get murdered. As a result, they have zero problem letting a woman know (through body language, non-verbal cues and stilted conversation) when they aren’t interested. They don’t fear for their safety nor do they feel compelled to be pleasant or else be considered a bitch. They don’t care if they’re rude.


We’ve become accustomed to men letting us know with no hesitation there won’t be a second date. So when a man on a first date is pleasant and engaging, we assume it means they’re romantically interested in us rather than assuming they just have a decent personality.


The operative phrase in your question is “seemingly nice.” That implies the date was enjoyable but not memorable. Maybe he’s one of those people that walks into a first date expecting fireworks and butterflies. Or maybe he’s been out with someone else but wanted to go out with you just to see if he should take his time before focusing on one person. Or maybe he’s newly single, got home, and realized he’s not ready to date again. Or maybe…he just didn’t think you and he were a match.


Whatever the reason, it likely has little to nothing to do with you and more to do with his expectations, current romantic situation or his mental health.


The only way to survive online dating is to preserve your mental energy. Allow yourself that moment of disappointment or confusion. Just try not to dwell too long or you might get stuck. Reserve your energy for the things you can change and lock the rest away in the mental vault.


Like my advice? Subscribe to my Substack. Free subscribers receive these public posts before anyone else. For $5 a month you'll get access to private advice columns per week exclusive podcast episodes for members only.