Why Are People On Dating Apps If They Don't Want To Date?




So I recently meet this guy on Tinder and we went out on a date. What's crazy is I actually dated him briefly about 15 yrs ago!! However I don't remember much. So we decided to re kindle our relationship.


He tells me at dinner that he just got out of a relationship in less then 2 months ago. December to be exact. And he is not looking to jump into another relationship. So I ask, why the heck are u on a dating site then!!! I feel he may be on the rebound. But he insists he is not and is over her.


What should I do?? And how can we see if there is chemistry again during these Covid times and social distancing.


Most adults know that telling their date they recently broke up with them would be a red flag. Therefore, you have to ask yourself why this guy divulged this information. I believe this is an instance of someone expressing a boundary without overtly expressing a boundary. With that revelation, I think he's telling you he's not in any way available for anything too emotionally charged. That doesn't mean he's "just" looking for sex (though he could be.) It simply means he's not looking for anything where he feels obligated or pressured. You could stick it out, but if some time passes and he's still has an aversion to being in a relationship, you probably should cut bait and move on.


That said, just because he's not looking for a relationship doesn't mean he's on the rebound. However, he could be looking to date very casually (read: have sex without commitment) until he's ready. That's perfectly acceptable as long as he isn't intentionally misleading anyone.


He doesn't owe you an explanation why he's on a dating site. Dating apps are not for finding long-term commitment. They're for finding dates. It's those dates that lead to relationships. All the apps provide are introductions to people you otherwise would not have met.


You appear to be looking for a relationship. I fear getting involved with this guy would be a diversion that, ultimately, could make the road to finding that relationship very bumpy.


My advice for COVID dating is to first have a virtual date. That way you can do a preliminary chemistry check. Should you feel there's potential chemistry, plan an out door first date. Get some hot chocolate and take a walk or meet at a venue that provides outdoor heated dining. If there's mutual attraction and interest, you could next to a virtual date like an online murder mystery game or movie. If you'd prefer an in-person date, you could keep it to outdoors until you've both been tested. At that point, you can decide if you wish to spend time together indoors. At that point, as adults, you have to make an informed decision if you want to be physically intimate.




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