Delete These Phrases From Your Dating Profile ASAP!

You know you're reading a bad Match.com dating profile when you do this.

Since a big chunk of my job involves giving dating advice and reviewing people's dating profiles, I thought I'd put together a little crib sheet of common phrases you might see in someone's bio. (Extra bonus: avoid these really bad pick-up lines.)

NOTE: In cases where I provide a breakdown for men and women, I'm referring to cis straight people only. The rest are all-inclusive.

WHAT THEY SAY: I'm looking for someone fit

TRANSLATION: I'm looking for someone conventionally slender or lean.

WHAT THEY SAY: I'm looking for someone who takes care of themselves

TRANSLATION: I'm looking for someone who has managed to stop the aging process completely and is as active and vibrant as I think I am.

WHAT THEY SAY: Age is just a number/People tell me they'd never guess my age

TRANSLATION: I wish to date someone younger because that will mean I'm not "old." and because I value youth over wisdom and experience.

WHAT THEY SAY: Looking for someone sane.

TRANSLATION - MEN: I have trouble accepting that human beings are complex and experience a range of emotions. Also, I hate being called on my shit.

TRANSLATION - WOMEN: I'd really like to meet a man who isn't abusive, obsessive or volatile.

WHAT THEY SAY: No hookups!

TRANSLATION - WOMEN: I'm cynical and jaded. All men want is sex.

TRANSLATION - MEN: Sexually liberal women intimidate me.

WHAT THEY SAY: My friends met on a dating site so I figured I'd give this a try

TRANSLATION: I need an excuse to justify it why I'm here because I'm embarrassed. I will probably ask you to lie if people ask how we met.

WHAT THEY SAY: I've been to 5 countries/have a passport full of stamps/Look at all my photos of me at various destinations around the world.

TRANSLATION: I'm looking for someone who comes from a certain socioeconomic background. I equate travel with sophistication and status.

WHAT THEY SAY: I'm back after a break

TRANSLATION: I got super burnt out after my previous time here so I thought I'd come back, do the exact same thing, and hope for different results.

TRANSLATION: I just broke up with someone and might not be quite ready to date yet. You've been warned.

WHAT THEY SAY: I don't check this app often

TRANSLATION: If you want me, you're going to have to jump through a hoop or two.

TRANSLATION: I'm a scammer. I'm going to suggest you message me off the app right away because my profile might get flagged at any minute/so the people monitoring messages don't catch on that I'm a thief.

TRANSLATION: Unlike you losers, I don't need a lame dating app to meet people.

WHAT THEY SAY: You will NOT be disappointed.

TRANSLATION: You will be disappointed.

WHAT THEY SAY: Looking for someone down to earth

TRANSLATION: I don't want you to want me for my money. Even though I have it. Lots of it. .Also, please don't be crazy.

WHAT THEY SAY: Fluent in sarcasm

TRANSLATION: I think I'm funnier/wittier than I actually am. Real emotions make me uncomfortable. Most people find me abrasive.

WHAT THEY SAY: Friends first/Looking to take things slow

TRANSLATION: I'm looking for companionship/someone to do things with that I don't want to do alone. We probably won't have sex.

WHAT THEY SAY: Looking for a lady/gentleman

TRANSLATION - MEN: I prefer old-fashioned women. You know, the kinds that don't care about all that equality nonsense.

TRANSLATION - WOMEN: I don't care about all that equality nonsense. I'm looking for a man who will pay for everything.

Did I miss any?

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