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Beware The Man That's Too Available

I met a new guy online. We FaceTimed on a Thursday, had first date Saturday, second Sunday and third Tuesday with another scheduled for Saturday. Every time I see him he asks when he can see me again. There has been great chemistry but I’m feeling overwhelmed. He asked what I was looking for, I said a relationship, he agreed but I’m feeling pressure from him to sleep with him even after I’ve told him he’s moving too fast for me. Am I right to feel overwhelmed? Am I being lovebombed? I am not sure what to do here as I like dating him but have the feeling he may only want to sleep with me.

While he might be eager to sleep with you, the over-arching and more concerning behavior is that he’s showing an excessive amount of availability. That, more than anything else, is the red flag not to ignore.

Whether or not he’s just looking for sex is a secondary concern. The primary concern is why this man is so willing to devote so much time to someone he barely knows. I’ve gotten a lot of flack for suggesting that a man could be too available, but most of it is coming from men who have never experienced the same dangers - emotional and physical - in relationships that women have. At least, not to the same extreme.

There’s a difference between someone who makes his interest known and makes himself available and someone who suffocates you with attention. The question to always ask in these situations is “why is he so available” and “why is he so invested so soon?”

He barely knows you. He has no idea if you and he are compatible. Yet he’s willing to put all his eggs in one basked and be all in after *checks notes* a week.

That’s an awful lot of free time to have on his hands. Most of us work and, by the time we clock out, want to decompress. Or we have friends to catch up with. Hobbies to partake in. Family to check on. Sleep to get. Apparently, this guy has a wide open schedule.

And that’s a problem. Why? Because he seems to be trying to fill all that empty space with you. In theory, it sounds nice to say that you’re with someone who’s obsessed with you, who can’t do enough for you, etc. You know who believes stuff like that? Toxic people. You don’t want someone who needs to stay busy all the time. That’s usually a sign they’re avoiding a deeper issue. They’re going to be constantly looking to you to fill the empty space.

You’re feeling overwhelmed because he’s overwhelming you with attention. That’s the point. It’s sort of a blitz attack, something to prevent you from processing what’s going on.

Whether it’s intentional or not I can’t say, but I do feel confident that healthy relationships don’t start out like this.

I would try to set a boundary with him to see how he reacts. Tell him you can’t see him one night. If he tries to get you to change your plans or gets angry, that’s a sign he has control or self-esteem issues that will interfere with his ability to maintain a relationship.

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