Common Reasons People Ghost or Unmatch You





You're messaging with someone on Bumble or OKCupid and then, out of nowhere, they stop responding. Was it something you said? Maybe. Maybe not. Here are some common reasons your matches ghost you.


They didn't read your bio or look at all your photos - It's important to understand that a match is not confirmation of anything other than someone swiped right on your profile. People swipe without thinking, sometimes incorrectly, and don't bother reading a bio or looking at other photos unless a match is made. It is then they realize you and they ultimately are not a match.


You waited too long to respond - It's natural to not want to look too eager, but you also don't want to be perceived as aloof or, worse, not interested. Try to reply to or contact your match within a couple of hours of initially matching. If you can't reply as quickly going forward, that's okay, just communicate that in a future message. The goal is to open the lines of communication so your match feels acknowledged.


Your first message was boring - Nobody says you have to open with a knock-knock joke, but you need to say more than "Hey" or "How's it going?" Demonstrate that you gave your message some thought before hitting send.


Your first message was an obvious cut and paste - Men and women both are guilty of writing the canned response email. Something in that first message MUST convey you read their profile. You do not have to personalize the entire message, but there has to be one reference to something related to your match's bio, prompts or photos.


Your first message was overwhelming - A lot of people think it's unique to lob an ice-breaker-type question at their match in their opening message. Until your match writes you back, there's no confirmation they've even read your profile, let alone want to engage in witty banter with you. Let that first message be a simple introduction. Save the ice breaker questions (which aren't a bad idea!) until they respond and possible mutual interest has been established.


You said something inappropriate - References to physical affection or intimacy will frequently result in crickets. Do not make any kind of innuendo-laced comment unless your match does so first. Then, follow their lead if you're comfortable doing so.


VERY IMPORTANT - One of the main reasons people make sexual comments in the early stages of messaging is because they're trying to gauge how sexually liberal their match is. It's a counter-intuitive approach, as the subject is widely considered volatile and inappropriate, so I don't recommend it.


Something suddenly came up - Life happens. I was in the middle of messaging with someone once just before my Dad died. Sometimes certain news or obligations are thrown in our path without warning. If they're genuinely available and interested, your match will communicate the sudden change and set an expectation as to when they'll be back in touch.


They matched with someone else - This is why I urge everyone to move off the dating platform as quickly as possible. As long as your match is surrounded by other potential options, they're going to swipe. Never assume they stop doing so just because they matched with you.


They're cheating or otherwise unavailable - Many people keep their options open until the very last second. Others keep them open around the clock. Your match might be juggling multiple people and decided to focus on only one (or two.) Or, they live with someone and either have no privacy to message or got caught.


They're not ready to date/using the app for entertainment - I'll say this again: do not - I REPEAT DO NOT - engage or swipe on any profile that has not been properly filled out. This is the main reason so many people end up frustrated. If they can't be bothered to take the time to properly fill out their bio and