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Is He An Avoidant Or A Narcissist?



I very recently, as in about a month ago, met a guy, had a connection with him unlike any I had ever experienced (including being with someone 10 years previously). I never felt feelings like this with my ex husband). We talked for one day and decided to hang out in person (also adding some context here, I had known this guy from high school previously, so I knew a *little* bit about him. So the night after we talked, we hung out. From the beginning we hit it off, the “chemistry” that was there was something both of us talked about long after he had left to go home. We both agreed we hadn’t clicked with anyone like that, ever. He had JUST gotten out of a 16 YEAR relationship with his ex, like a month prior to us talking. A MONTH.

We were eager to hang again, so we did the next week (he travels and goes out of state a lot for work). So we hung out probably 6-7 more times and every time, it was like something from a story book. We had so much in common it almost seemed set up. Along with all of that, that chemistry was STILL there and continued to get stronger. Up to this point, we had only hung out at his house or mine, so he decided to take me out on a day date this past Friday. He took me out to eat and went for a ride afterward. Just like every other time we had hung out, it was just easy. Easy conversation, the spark was alive and well and almost intoxicating (mutually). There was no part of the date that went bad, trust me, I replayed it over in my head about 1000 times. But here’s where things got interesting. On our way home, I set my hand close to his just to see if he would take hold and he did. Conversation had paused for a few minutes and a slower song came on the radio. Every few seconds as we were driving home, I could feel him looking over at me with long pauses. I’d let him look a few minutes and then I would meet his eyes and do the same. Maybe I was reading too much into it, but to me and what I felt inside, it felt like a “moment” and I wanted him to know that I was feeling what he was feeling too. And then just as if I had started feeling this rush of emotion come over me, he squeezed my hand again and looked at me and pulled my hand over to his chest and just held on to it for a minute looking at me. Almost like he felt it too. I know people’s actions are just that, they’re physical, anyone can do them, but that feeling of just elated, pure joy that came along with it was just like, this felt like my person. We were so in tune, down to finishing each others thoughts at lunch.

So he takes me home in a bit of a rush because he now has to go pick up his sons to keep them overnight. When he drops me off, we do as we always do and take forever hugging and kissing and saying goodbye. We made plans to hang out not the next day but Sunday/Sunday night. When he’s with his kids, I try and fall back a little and not text him so much so he can spend time with them. When we did start to text again after he’d gotten home and settled, he messaged and let me know he’d gotten home safe and had a great time. Conversation was how it usually is when he has his kids, he would message but just not as often, but he’d post to his story on Snapchat pictures of him doing things with the kids so I know that’s what he was doing. Then, around 10 or so that night, he posted something to his story that was this animation that had a picture of a heart and a voice overlaid that said: we’re about to do it again aren’t we? And the brain said: “do what again?” And then the heart says: “we’re about to go away again aren’t we” and the brain says “yeah, I’m afraid so” and the heart again says “I don’t know that I want to do that again. I’m afraid we won’t come back this time”. And from that night all the way up to now, I haven’t heard from him since…


This sounds like it could be one of two things.


He’s an avoidant.

We often associate love bombing with narcissists. Avoidants are known to pile on the attention and then pull the rug out from prospective partners as well. It happens very suddenly, which makes it that much more painful. People make the mistake of thinking avoidants avoid intimacy altogether. We don’t. We want it very badly. We just fear it. Our approach to love is similar to diving off a jumping board. If we stood at the edge and analyzed the risk, we wouldn’t jump. We dive in head first, sinking deeper and deeper into the water. When our chests tighten and we struggle to breathe, we shoot to the surface.



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softbolt wares
softbolt wares
28 dic 2023

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