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Let's Stop Letting Men Hurt Our Feelings

Happy 2022! Remember - This is the busiest time of year for online daters! Make sure you’ve got a profile that attracts emotionally available matches and know how to avoid the time-wasters. Get my Master Online Dating online courses.

Can we talk about breadcrumbing?

40somethings. Matched with a guy, we had a ton in common, know many of the same ppl, as we went to high school together. Messages were great, then we had 2 great dates and we both showed interest.

We only hugged, but I felt we had great chemistry.

After the second date he continued to text first but with min effort and never responds to my texts to keep the convo going.

He’s clearly breadcrumbing but I’m not sure how to respond. Thank you!

You don’t respond. You know what he’s doing. He’s keeping you on the hook while he explores other options. Or he’s just not interested and hoping you’ll take the hint and stop communicating so he doesn’t have to be the bad guy.

Whatever his reason is for not making more effort, he’s making it clear he’s not going to over-extend himself for you. That’s the opposite of what someone genuinely interested in dating you would do.

We’re done engaging with people like this. We’re done trying to figure these types out. If it takes you going radio silent for him to suddenly decide to make a real effort, that’s a sign from the heavens he’s got some unresolved issues he needs to tend to before he drags an unsuspecting down his rabbit hole. You shouldn’t need to “punish” someone to get a reaction from them. You do not want to date someone who responds to such toxic behavior.

Someone who is emotionally available to you does not behave like this. When someone is truly ready to have a relationship, they make themselves accessible. They’re not sending mixed messages. They’re making sure you know they’re interested. They’re upping their game.

Asking this guy what’s up is a waste of your breath and energy. If he wanted you to know he was interested in getting to know you, he would extend himself more than what he’s offering now.

I hate to quote Jack Berger again but with men, there are no mixed messages. When that cab light is on, it’s on until they find the person they want to invest in emotionally.

This guy is a man-child who doesn’t know how to use his words.

Fuck that guy.

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