Should You Mention Your Disability Before Your First Date?




Hi,


I recently went on a date with somebody (9 years younger than me). Everything was going well until it was time for me to get up and walk. I have an issue with my hip and a shoe that needs to be modified.


My hip was out of place when I was born and three surgeries later it was fixed. When i gave birth I was told that vaginal delivery was the best and therefore threw the surgeries out the door.


He asked me several times why I walked that way but even though he tried to ask politely it didn’t come out that way from him. I honestly just wanted to run away and hide/cry. I thought I was past this and have been comfortable with my issue for years. I’ve met other men and this has not been an issue hence why I didn’t mention it. We didn’t see each other again.


Was I wrong not to mention this to him before ?


Thank you in advance for your time.


I’m sorry he treated you the way he did.


No, you weren’t wrong. He was. His questions did not come out poiltely because he was not being polite. He was being rude. While there’s always going to be somewhat of a learning curve for those of us with visible/invisible disabilities, it is not our job to educate.

Nor is it a requirement that we “disclose” information about our disabilities to random strangers we meet on dating apps.


It’s natural to be curious when we see something we’ve never seen before or don’t understand. However, we learn very early in life what is appropriate to question and what isn’t. There’s this whole online encyclopedia of information called the internet that can provide us to answers to most questions.


You don’t owe people a warning of any kind. As an adult we should expect to meet people with lived experiences different than our own. What your date revealed with his questions is how uncouth he is. I can assure you he goes through life asking innapropriate questions and wonders why his dating life is at a stand-still.


Only someone with a dramatic lack of social acuity would have fired those questions at you, blissfully unaware of how it made you feel.


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