I have a question: In your opinion, what are the best online dating sites for 50+? Or even 60+? I was on OurTime.com and it was overrun with scammers and spammers. And a few crazoids, as well. Six dates in six months and the last one weighed close to 400 pounds and talked with his mouth full. It was like having dinner with Jabba the Hut. I am beginning to fear that the only ones left are the broken toys. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks.
I can't answer this question without acknowledging how unkind it is to ridicule someone for their weight. Let's be better than that. I understand how frustrating online dating can be, but if it gets to the point where you're making fun of someone's looks, it's time to wonder if that aspect of your personality has anything to do with why you can't seem to meet anyone you deem appropriate.
I one-hundred percent agree with your assessment of OurTime. I am skeptical of all age- specific online dating sites and dating apps for the same reasons you are. That being, they are a frequent haunts of romance scammers and other types of people looking to bamboozle singles out of their money.
The reason these particular platforms are popular among grifters is the assumption someone over forty is isolated, lonely and lacks the internet savvy necessary to properly vet prospective matches. I urge people to watch the Netflix series Dirty John, a story of a sociopathic man who used OurTime to con women out of their savings. (I also highly recommend the Showtime documentary Love Fraud.)
Also questionable are sites like Zoosk, Badoo and Plenty of Fish. These platforms are reputed to be heavily populated by scammers as well.
Now for what I do recommend:
I advise clients to use a minimum of 3 platforms at once: a traditional online dating site that allows you to message whomever you choose; one mainstream app; and one niche platform.
The benefits of using three at a time is that you can toggle between each one every few days without getting burnt out by seeing the same faces. Here's the platforms I suggest using:
TRADITIONAL ONLINE DATING SITE RECOMMENDATIONS:
MAINSTREAM APP RECOMMENDATION:
All three have a large database of users
They have eye-pleasing and easy to navigate interfaces and profile templates
Profiles include prompts to assist people in writing about themselves. Prompts also serve as ideal ice breaker material for messaging.
They allow users to search by who is online so they're not messaging inactive profiles.
They provide diverse basic stat options (i.e. smokes, drinks, works-out, has kids, etc.) Stats are what users select when performing a search. This aids in being able to do more targeted searches.
Tinder is a possibility as well. In addition to having a huge database of users, Tinder discourages people from filtering out matches based on superficial characteristics. This app also understands that ageism is real, which is why it allows people to hide their age. They'll still come up in matches where the preferred age range includes their age, but their age will not be visible.
Hinge is a possibility, but the sense I get is that it skews under fifty. One thing I do like about Hinge is that it requires users to upload at least 6 photos. Other than that, I'm on the fence. In the three months I used Hinge in 2018, I matched with a number of scammers and came across a lot of fake profiles.
I'm not an eHarmony fan because that platform does not allow users to perform searches. (It's also notoriously conservative.) Instead, the site selects matches for the user based on their compatibility score and the user's previous activity. The upside is that eHarmony does more to weed out the time wasters by requiring they answer an extensive list of 70 questions. The entire process of matching and messaging is drawn out, a choice I find counter-intuitive given how flaky people can be these days.
I'll close by touching on the idea that some people over 40 on these dating sites and apps are broken. Keep something in mind: if you have such thoughts about your prospective matches, it stands to reason other people think the same of you. To some degree, we're all broken toys to someone.
By forty, fifty or older, many of us have been through it: unemployment, illness, family trouble, physical and mental health challenges, abuse. Not everybody gets to go through life without enduring trauma or strife.
In my opinion, someone who has managed to go through life unscathed hasn't really lived or truly loved. That's just my two cents.