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When You're Afraid To Date Because Of Your Weight

I have always been a yo-yo with my weight over the years, (my size can range from size 8 - 14) without sounding into myself I'm an attractive female and have always had my fair share of attention from men. Right now I'm on the higher side due to trying to shed Covid weight, hysterectomy a few yrs ago and age in general (I'm 52). I feel I check all the boxes...attractive, educated, good career in sales, own my home out right, don't have young kids, can hold a conversation...and yes, I'm aware that's not necessarily what men care about. I have a full body pic in my profile that is a good representation of my current shape, but I feel like when I meet men they are not looking at my profile close to notice. The last year plus when I meet someone for the first time it's not going past a first date, where as when I'm thinner I usually always get asked out for a second date. Should I make mention to my weight prior to meeting, so we don't waste each others time? I kind of feel making comment prior makes me sound insecure, which I'm far from....thoughts?

As hard as it is, try not to connect dots that don’t exist. Most first dates do not lead to second ones. That’s completely normal.

You’re also comparing apples to oranges. With every passing year, the baseline of online dating behavior changes. News events; social movements; or something like, say, a global pandemic all can affect our attitudes and behavior when it comes to dating. I’m not surprised to hear your dating experiences 2020-2021 differed greatly from those in 2019. If you think about it, I bet a lot of your experiences in that time frame took one hundred and eighty-degree turns.

This can be said for any time frame. Not just the hellscape of 2020-2021.

You might be assuming it’s your weight gain turning these men off. When it might be their overall attitude towards dating. A year in semi-isolation while money was tight and we had little access to things that were good for our mental health did some damage. Also, consider we spent much of that time scrolling through apps like Tik Tok where everyone and their mother was complaining about how awful dating had become. I think that - and not your weight - is the more likely reason you are struggling to get second dates.

With that said, I know that women who aren’t conventionally thin have issues with showing up to dates only to have their boorish match tell them they looked “bigger.” If you post photos of yourself standing up straight, unobstructed, facing the camera, there should be no surprises.

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