Why Don't Men Ask Women Any Questions On First Dates?



Back on Bumble after an 8 month break. Matched with a guy who seems nice, been having fun banter but I realized he only asked me two questions the first day we chatted. Do I have a cat ( he has one) and what my dog's name is. He's been polite, answers me back when asked a question, but no questions to me. He did say he joined bumble on a whim with no grand scheme, but yeah time say goodbye. Should I just tell him it's been nice chatting or just unmatch and move on?


This is too common of an issue for there not to be an underlying cause for why men don’t ask their matches or dates questions. Let’s examine a few possibilities.


They’re entitled - They are men, after all. They’ve been raised to believe the world revolves around them. In their mind all they have to do is show up and pay. That’s their contribution. It’s on the woman to be entertaining since - in his mind - he’s paying for her time. Classy.


They have social anxiety or poor social skills - Some people struggle to make small talk so they stick to what’s being asked of them and say little else. Also keep in mind that most men have no use for women they don’t want to sleep with. They’re only charming and interesting if there’s a return on investment they deem worth the effort. That can stunt their interpersonal skills.


They’re not that interested (and possibly never were) - I tend to think someone legitimately interested in vetting a potential partner for compatibility would want to ask questions. It doesn’t make sense to me that they’d sit there like a lump not contributing to the conversation in any kind of meaningful way. That is, unless they didn’t want to be there. It’s possible some of these men show up to that date and know instantly they’re not interested. Once that decision is made, they switch to auto-pilot. Another possibility is that the woman ignored or misread a man’s lack of effort in his messages and still wanted to meet him. Out of boredom, horniness or curiosity, the guy agrees. He then arrives at the chosen location, decides he’s not interested then shuts down the minute they meet, hoping she’ll pick up on his cues and end the date early. We don’t even have to be dating them for men to expect us to do the emotional labor.


They don’t need to vet their dates - Men do not have the same fear for their safety that women have. For them, that initial messaging stage and first date is just about gauging whether or not there’s chemistry, both physically and interpersonally. They’ll get to the nitty gritty later. That stuff doesn’t matter to them just yet because they don’t have to worry about being harmed.


The woman is asking all the questions - To avoid any awkwardness, some people fill silence with superfluous small talk or additional questions. That leaves little room for an organic conversation. Not to mention, it can make the interaction between the two people feel like an interrogation. That would make anyone shut-down and withdraw.

My suggestion is to not the silence guide you. Next time you ask a question and they respond, reply with an affirming statement like, “Oh, that sounds amazing!” Something simple but conveys sincerity and interest.


Then wait.


If they’re interested in getting to know you, they will respond. If not, they won’t.


It’s that simple.